


Where the Wind found its Peace

by Nad98



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Gay Character, Lesbian Character, M/M, Maybe i'll add more characters later, Sorry if this is bad, Trans Character, it's my first work on this side, oh and English isn't my first language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-06-28 07:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15702234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nad98/pseuds/Nad98
Summary: Jay is a smart man with a generous heart. But the city life is draining and his work is slowly killing him. He needs change and as soon as he gets the opportunity to take over his grandfathers old farm in a small place called Stardew Valley he leaves.He doesn't know yet what people he will meet there and how important they will become to him. Neither do the villagers know that a farmer with more than one unique talent is on his way to change their lifes forever.A/N: This is my first fic on AO3 and english is not my first language, so be patient with me. On another note, I'm not going to have smut in this. There might be some violence, blood and mental health stuff later on, but I'll put a warning on the start of respective chapters. Anyway, have fun!





	1. Chapter 1 - Jay

# Spring - Year One

# 

## Jay – Sunday, 1st March 2015

## 

I have several beginning points with which I could set this story off. I could tell you about the day my grandpa showed me the beauty of nature. About the moment when my parents decided that I had to take dancing classes. About the day I finally found the power to tell the world who I am. About the day my dearest friend left us.

But I'll begin at the very start.

I was born at the day the wind proved that it could be still. The wind blew, and the snowflakes were dancing in its mute sonnet. Nothing was able to move due to the unexpected snow fall.

For once the big city remained silent. And in the calmest rush hour the city had ever witnessed, I was born. On the second of May 1989 a.Y.

An unusual start into life, isn't it? And as unusual as it began, as unusual it continued.

I am now 26 years old, go under the name Jay Singer and work in office for Joja. Well, used to work for Joja, until last Monday when I quit my job because I found out that I had inherited my grandpa's old farm.

It was like a sign from Yoba themselves. I was so desperate to leave the office but had no option where to go to. Now I have got the Lucky Farm, my grandpa's dearest treasure and a ticket out of this wicked city.

Now, I am sitting in a bus driving to Pelican, a little village in area called Stardew Valley, where my future lies. I do not know what is awaiting me at this point, but I am determined to face any difficulties yet to come and make this place my home.


	2. Chapter 2 - Jay

## Jay – Monday, 16th March 2015

## 

Over two weeks have passed. I have a merely endless list of tasks to accomplish and every evening I am falling in my bed completely exhausted. And it has been a very, very long time since I was this fulfilled with my life.

To resume; I started with cleaning the farm grounds. Stones, dead logs and bushes were everywhere, and I had a hard time to clean a small area for the fields I am planning to sow. On the other hand, I also gathered quite a bit of resources for building chests, fences and that stuff.

I already got a cat. His name is Jiji and he is the cutest creature in town.

Speaking of the village's folk; I have met most of them by now. The carpenter, a woman named Robin, was the first person I had the pleasure of meeting. She told me that she was able to build different things for my farm if I brought her the resources and paid her for her work.

The next person I met on my first day in Stardew Valley was Lewis the mayor. I knew I would meet him here. Grandpa told me quite a bit about him and I was glad to hear the fondness in the old men's voice when he started to speak of my dear grandfather. They must have been very close.

On the second day Lewis invited me on a town tour. He showed me the Stardrop Saloon, where Gus and Emily work and the village's folk meet after a long day, Pierre's General Store, and showed me the way to Robin's shop in the mountains.

It was a quiet and serene walk until we suddenly came across some sort of old, abandoned building. When I asked Lewis what it was, he looked sadly to the horizon and sighed: "Once this was the heart of our little community. The community center… Ha! I still remember it as if it had been yesterday. The people talking vividly, the kids playing in the halls, the elderly rambling about better times… It used to be peaceful. But what's the use in living in the past, huh?"

Then he told me to forget what he just had said. It would not matter anyway since JojaMart wanted to buy the place and built another store on it.  
Immediately I froze and stared at the wooden building. I felt a screeching vibration piercing through me, a cry for help, for salvation from within these walls. I knew I could not let Joja have this place. They were not supposed to own it or just see it.

"Is there already a contract with Joja?", I asked Lewis still staring at the old community center.

"Hm?"

"Did you already sign a contract with Joja or would you let me try to fix this place?"

The determination boiling in my veins had caught Lewis off guard. Things have been stuck in this village for years. He must have had lost his faith in this place. And now here I was, ready to fight for something that I did not even truly know.

A surprised smile crept on his face and the old man allowed me: "If you want to try, I'll let you try. Do as you please. I'm not going to sell this place to JojaMart anymore. I admire your determination. It's something we could really use in this place."

Then he gave me some parsnip seeds for my farm, told me to meet the other villagers and left me to discover the rest of town on my own.

So, I walked around meeting a lot of different people, who were somewhat curious, somewhat reserved towards the strange farmer that had come to their village. It did not surprise me that most of them were not too excited about my arrival. I mean, what city folk would choose to throw everything they ever possessed and known away for a life in nature as a total stranger? It must have sounded fishy to them and I cannot blame them for that. I would be suspicious too.

But after I have met most of them, I really want to try and prove them my worth and sincere interest and admiration for this valley. There are quite some characters in this community that I would love to become friends with.

One of the happier folks was Willy, the local fisherman. He gave me his old fishing rod and taught me how to fish, what was quite helpful since I have a lot of water on my farm.  
Emily, a waitress in the Stardrop Saloon, is a lovely girl al well. She seems to have her own little reality and is joyful and friendly all the time. We talked quite a bit and she told me a lot about the villagers and herself.

She has been living here all her live long, but went to school in Zuzu City, because they did not have enough children to form a class in Pelican Town back then.  
I had a good time talking to her. Her energy was so exclusively positive and hopeful. It did not fit in the towns atmosphere and made me appreciate her presence even more.  
Well, I could go on talking for hours, but it is time for me to do some more fishing. Caroline wants a bream and I am not going to let that poor woman wait any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi there!  
> I know these first to chapters were very short, but they'll get longer as time goes by. I've already "planned" what's going to happen in the spring months and I know where I'm going so don't worry about the plot.  
> I also modified some of the events that happen in the game (like the scene in the community center). I know that it doesn't happen like this, but I would have liked it if it would had happend like this. And know I just do it.  
> Anyway, Jay is my persona in Stardew Valley so his mindset is based of myself and some of his past will be inspierd by my past, but we really don't have the same background.  
> Anyway, have fun and please comment, if you find the time to do so.


	3. Chapter 3 - Emily

## Emily – Saturday, 7th March 2015

## 

A normal day at the Saloon. Willy, Shane and Pam are already here. Nothing strange about that. They are even more quiet than usual, but I am used to sorrow by now. I am smiling for them, while they are too tired to do it themselves.

Lewis and Marnie just enter the Saloon. Lewis waves Gus and orders two beers for himself and his friend. Marnie tries to pay for herself, telling Lewis that she should pay for him since it was his birthday, but he is having none of that.

While I follow their sweet little bickering, I notice Shane glimpsing over to them. Suddenly he sighs deeply, stands up, pays and leaves without another word. What would I give just to know what this sad man sees for only one night?

The sound of the door opening pulled me out of my thoughts and I see Jay, the new farmer in town, entering.

“Good evening!”, he greets and waves cheerfully.

Quickly he walks over to Lewis, congratulates him to his birthday and hands him a small gift. I think that it is a parsnip, but maybe I am wrong.

Anyway, he comes over to me and asks me for a beer. I smile and bring him what he asked for. For a second he stays quiet, then he sits down on a barstool and looks exhausted in my direction.

“What is it Jay? A hard day?”, I ask him curious.

He huffs amused and explains: “Everyday of this first week has been hard. I never worked like this before, so it’s only natural that I’m tired as fuck. But I’m also happy. Happier than I’ve been for a long time and that makes it worth it.”

I laugh. I never thought that this small black man with the white dyed hair would find his happiness in a farm far away from the city. The second day he came in the saloon I saw his slim, bony hands that looked as if they had never touched dirt in their whole life.

But now I see him and recognize a man, who is willing to walk the extra mile for his farm, his cat and maybe even some of us villagers. I believe him to be a gift from Yoba and I am eager to see what he can do for us.

“I’m glad to hear that. It hopefully means that you’ll stick around?”

He nods and takes a drink. Questioningly, he looks around looking for something. As he cannot find it he asks: “Where’s Shane? He’s been here every night so far. Is something wrong with him?”

For a second I do not say anything. Can I really talk about Shane with Jay? I saw how he had looked at some of us. He knows that not everything is as peaceful and nice as many of us make it out to be. Then his eyes meet mine. There is sorrow in them. Sincere and unbiased concern lies in these deep oak brown eyes with these vivid lime sprinkles in them.

“He probably just had a bad day. He has a lot of them lately and then he often goes home early. But I can’t tell you more than that. I’m the only one he talks to, except for Marnie and Jas and they live with him, and even I don’t know more than this. Sorry.”

“No, no! It’s fine, really. I don’t wanna pry, but I was worried. He appears to be so lonely all the time and it unsettles me. I wish I could do something, but he’ll probably wouldn’t let me try, huh?”

“He probably wouldn’t, no.”

We fall into silence and suddenly Willy asks for another beer. Quickly I leave the farmer alone and do my duty.

As I return to the young man, he looks like he is brooding about some idea of sorts but harshly comes back to reality as he sees me. 

“Anyway”, he goes on without giving me a chance to ask what is on his mind, “have you met Linus? You know the man living in the mountains?”

“Yes, I did in fact. He’s quite a character and I like him. Sadly, he doesn’t trust a lot of people, so I never got a chance to really talk with him. Why are you asking?”

“I just met him some days ago, when I went fishing. I’d like to understand him better that’s why I asked. In fact, I’d like to understand a lot of the people here better but it’s kinda hard to get through to them”, he tells me smiling helplessly.

I giggle and pat his shoulder as I say: “It’s not that hard Jay. They just haven’t seen a lot of strangers in the last few years, so they are suspicious. But don’t worry, I’ll give you a crash course, so you’ll have it easier in the future.

Well, where shall I begin? Yes, let’s do it like this. I, my sister Haley, Alex, Penny and Abigail have been living here since we can remember. Alex, Haley and Penny are all about the same age and had the luck that our old librarian was willing to teach them.

Twelve years ago, Haley was around eleven back then, Sam and his parents moved over here. He became friends with Penny, who wasn’t much of a talker and didn’t really get along with my dearest sister and Alex, and soon befriended with Abigail as well, who was rather isolated because she was home-taught by Caroline.

Anyway, the year after that, Sebastian and Maru moved into town. It was the start of the unbreakable friendship between Sebastian, Alex and Abigail. You rarely saw them apart from each other, it was super adorable.

Maru eventually became friends with Penny. They often talk about books and concepts and all that stuff.

So, more recently, four years ago to be precise, Harvey became our doctor and Shane moved into Marnie’s ranch together with Jas. We don’t know exactly why, and nobody really dares to ask.

Two years ago, Leah moved in the small shelter in the woods and a year ago Elliott bought the cabin on the beach.  
And this is all there is to it. Well, roughly at least. Was it helpful?”

The man stares at me for what feels like an eternity. Then he simply smiles, nods and says gratefully: “That actually helped a lot. You’re a real treasure, Emily. I wouldn’t know how to get around without you.”

After that he stays silent. Around ten o’clock he leaves, leaving a big tip behind, which he probably cannot afford.


	4. Chapter 4 - Abigail

## Abigail – Wednesday, 1st April 2015

## 

Something is off with the new man in town. I did not know what it was at the beginning and I still cannot say for certain what it is, but Jay Singer is not the ordinary man he wants us to believe he is.

Sure, at first, I was just like Sam and Sebby and believed him to be a naïve dude from Zuzu, who thought he could find themselves in the peace of nature or some shit.

But soon I saw him walking around in the mountains, exploring the forest or searching stuff on the beach. He was always doing something, always looking for crap that was lying around. And almost everyday he visits the abandoned community center.

I have been in there as well and I always had the feeling to be watched. I could not quite put my finger on it, but some noises and breezes appeared to come from some strange creatures. The mayor said it were rats. I am sure that they are something else, but who would believe the eighteen-year old with her Ouija board?

Anyway, whatever there is in this building, Jay can see it. He does not just sense it, like I do, he sees it. I am sure of it.

Other than that, he also goes into the mines. I was never allowed to go there. My dad insists that it is too dangerous down there, the mines are too old, the wooden pillars not strong enough to hold up all the weight. But Jay does not have a father who stops him from going there and living his life.

And there is something behind all his work. Yeah sure, he wants to build his own home on the farm, but to do that he does not need to visit the community center regularly nor does he need to talk this much with the towns folk. He has a goal, he is working for something.

Now I think I know what this something might be. Yesterday, I saw him entering the community center again and followed him. Again, he was looking at the things nobody, but he could see. He looked tense but not truly unhappy.

Suddenly he walked to the old fireplace in the main hall, touched the shelf and started whispering something. I could not hear him very clearly, but these were the words I managed to understand: “There is so much more to this town, than meets the eye. I see many suffering souls, waiting for something to happen.

They aren’t picky. They don’t want a miracle. They only want change. They want to escape but cannot find the power to do it. They are caged in their habits and no longer see the silver lining.

I can’t do it all on my own, I know. I always try to do it like this, but I know very well that it doesn’t work that way. But I know for once that I can do something. And I will do something.

I will help them reopening this place and finding a new sense in their lives. I’ll make the bus drive again, I’ll build bridges, I’ll do it.  
I know they didn’t ask me to do this. I know I don’t have to do it. But I want to believe in them and their future. I want to be the miracle they haven’t asked for, but deserved years ago.

Please, let me be that…”

After that I left.

I was right. Something is off about this guy. And by now I am pretty sure that this is the best thing that could have happened to us.


	5. Chapter 5 - Elliott

## Elliott – Sunday, 5th April 2015

## 

Today was a rainy day. The rain drops ran down the windows and I watched them race each other.

I wanted to write, to start my work, but I could not find the right words, no beginning and no end. It was frustrating, but at least I could embrace the beautiful sound of the rain drops falling on my roof. It was better than nothing.

I let my thoughts wander, thought about visiting Leah as I suddenly saw how somebody had come down to the beach. Curiously I spied through my window and spotted the farmer in front of the sea.

Surprised I stepped nearer to my window and observed the skinny man out there in the rain. He did not wear a rain coat, nor did he have an umbrella with him. He was standing there, unprotected and improbably calm.

I grabbed my rain jacket and was about to go over to him, as it happened. He started to move. To spin. To jump. To dance.

The way his feet merely touched the sand, almost flew over the ground, electrified the air. The lightness in the movements of his arms, made me believe that he was able to fly away any moment now.

His posture was taut, yet agile like the jellies in the see. And although, I could barely see his face, I saw his eyes shining like the Winter Star.  
The elegance, the deep, forgotten sadness, the new-found joy of life, I had never seen anything like it. Absentmindedly, I covered my mouth and found myself crying tears of daze.

I had yet to realize, what I just witnessed, as I noticed the farmers disappearance. Again, I was left alone, but now longer without any idea. The thoughts ran, the words came and I wrote down a scene inspired by the dance the farmer had perform in front of the sea.

Never had I written something like it before. Never had it felt so light and profound at the same time. I looked at it and I knew, this was the scene that I wanted to build up to. This could be the core, the inspiration I was looking for. It would be it.

One of these days I would have to thank the now probably soaking wet man for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> I know that this is a very slow start, but in the next chapter I'll reache the first scene that made me want to write this story  
> (Spoiler: It's about Shane's first heart evenr with the player). I'll put a warning at the start, because it's going to be a bit depressing. Anyway have fun and thank you mistymadam for your kudo <3 It's the first one I ever got :D


	6. Chapter 6 - Jay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Drinking, depressing topics, as well as implied suicidal thoughts! ******

## Jay – Monday, 13th April 2015

## 

It’s almost midnight. It’s been one hell of a Monday and I’m probably a bit tipsy. Maybe even drunk.

I mean, I knew the day would be strange, when the first person I met in the morning was the wizard. He’s always bad news, I know that by now. He wanted me to kill some slimes in the mines.

Seriously, I know that the monsters are not that great, but the more the wizard wants them dead, the more I start to believe that they are not nearly as bad as I initially thought.

Anyway, I ignored him and watered my crops. Jiji sat beside me and meowed the whole time. It made me feel less alone on the big farm, but it was also absolutely irritating.  
Later I went to the beach fishing and had a small chat with Willy. After that I went to the museum, where I brought Gunther some artefacts. There I met Penny. She really is a shy one, but recently she started warming up to me. Listening to her sorrows about her mother and her life in this teeny tiny trailer always makes me think.

With these rather dark thoughts I went to the saloon and ordered myself something small to eat and some cider. I distracted myself by talking with Emily about the farming life and told her about Jiji’s latest “concert” what made her laugh grossly like a donkey.

This kind of laugher is my absolute favourite. It is loud, indecent and fully honest. It is something you cannot fake or pretend, and it always makes me happy to hear it.

After a while, she left to serve other customers and I was alone with my thoughts once again. My mood was gloomy, and my heart was wavering around. Some old doubts crossed my mind again and I gave in and ordered a beer form Gus.

Calmly I watched the people in the saloon, waiting for one certain face to turn up. And there he came. Shane entered the Saloon at ten to six and went to his place next to the fireplace. I nodded in his direction and paid for the beer he ordered.

Normally, I would have talked to him, but right now I could not bring myself to chatter with the man. Talking with him was frustrating and he was everything but cooperative. I always tried to be positive about it, but at that time I did not have the strength to fail once more.

I do not know when he left, nor do I know when I did, but it was already dark. I was not tired yet and chose to take the long way home over Marnie’s Ranch. Watching my steps, I shambled through the grass, as I heard a voice calling out for me.

“Hey, farmer! Still up?”

Confused I looked up and see Shane sitting on the dock. He waved me over and I sat down next to him. He cracked a lazy smile, handed me a can of beer and lay back.  
I let out a pleased huff and looked at him patiently.

“Life sucks, doesn’t it?”, he states lying his hands over his stomach.

I made a face and stammered: “Elaborate.”

“Heh, well, you see… There are days you just stand up and you know it’s not going to be any good. Like, everything you do, everything you try, everything you say, it’s just… pointless.

Every attempt to change what’s wrong with your life is fruitless and there is nothing you can do about it. You just sit there in the same shit from 5 years ago and you can’t get out. You can try to jump, try to run, try to shout, it’s never gonna work. You tried. It never works.

You’re stuck in an endless line of failure. You know?”

He looked at me, his eyes darker than the night sky. I was looking in the abyss that was about to consume me completely.

I licked my lips, gulped and took a big drink from the can. Then, I burped and felt my face heat up. Shane laughed at that, though I doubted that he was able to see my embarrassment.

“Fast drinker, huh? I like that. But don’t over do it. You still got a future ahead of you. Take care. You’re gonna do fine.”  
With that he stood up and was about to leave.

If I had been sober, I would have let him leave. But I was not and so said quiet loudly: “I’m not the only one with a future, Shane! You’ve got one as well!”

He stopped and looked back. He looked exhausted.

“I know the feeling, Shane. I do. I haven’t lived your life, nor seen your past, but I know how shitty life can be.

Being lost, left alone, caged and laughed at. I know it. I’ve been through it. I still remember. I’m still hurt.

I get it. You cannot see a future, you don’t believe that it will be better. And I’m not gonna say it will be.

But it will change. We are not stuck, we are not the same, we were yesterday. We’ll change. For certain.

This is not gonna last forever. For the better – I pointed at him – or for the worse – I lay my hand over my heart – Tomorrow will be different, even if you cannot see that.”  
Shane gaped at me. He looked even more lost than before.

My breathing became heavy and I felt how I was about to panic. How could I have said that to him?! I knew that I truly meant what I just had said, but it was so harsh, so insensitive.

Rapidly I jumped and tried to rush away. I would have to apologize, but I could not face him right now.  
As I passed him, as fast as I could, he suddenly grabbed my arm. I did not dare to look up, tears welling up in my eyes.

“It’s okay, Jay. We’re good.”

I opened my eyes and turned to Shane. Has this truly been his voice? It had sounded so comforting, so weak, so tender. Just not like him.  
Then I looked into his eyes, and I knew I had heard right.

“Thanks. You’re a good one. A really good one.”

He left. I still saw his eyes full of melancholy and resignation. And the small spark of something I have not seen there before. It looked like… comfort. Maybe even some sort of contentment.

After that I went home and sat down on my bed. I still feel my heart beating fast. I have not felt so alive for a very long time. It is truly unsettling. I want him to be happy so badly. I want to see him smile. I want to hear him laugh sincerely, even if it is only once. I want him to live.

I feel the tears running down my face. Jiji jumps up on my bed. He licks my face and ignores the smell of alcohol in my breath. He is much more than I deserve, but exactly what I need right now.

Lying down, still weeping, I pet my orange cat and pray to Yoba, that the man has something to hold on as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is what I really wanted to write.  
> I remeber getting this scene very well. I wanted to say something so badly to Shane, but didn't have the words. Today I have them and let Jay say what I thought would be right.  
> Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed it and continue reading this story!


	7. Chapter 7 - Emily

## Emily – Saturday, 2nd May 2015

## 

Today, I am visiting Jay on his farm. I know that today is his birthday and I want to give him a gift, just as he has given me one for my birthday as well.  
Humming, I wander across the path to the Lucky Farm and look around aimlessly.

I have walked down this path before, but I always manage to find something new and exciting. Just now I discovered a bush I have never seen before. It is a small one that looks a bit dry.

Thinking about this brave little brush, I move forward and finally reach the Lucky Farm. Taken aback, I look around and take in the beautiful view I am presented. The small cabin no longer looks abandoned, the ground is cleared from logs, grass and stones and a small field with daffodils, dandelions and parsnips welcomes me. In the field a sweaty man is watering the plants. He is humming contently and moves rhythmically to his own melody.

“Hi Jay! Happy birthday!”, I shout over to him, while waving enthusiastically.

The man jumps startled and turns around. Relived he starts smiling, when he realizes that it was I, who has just scared him, and walks over to me.

“Thanks for coming over. You know you didn’t have to do this, right?”, he says and scratches the back of his head.

“Shoo, it’s no biggie. I always wanted to visit you on the farm and now I’ve got finally a reason to do so!”

“You don’t need an excuse to visit me, Em. Just come over. You’re always welcome!”  
I laugh and hand him my gift. Surprised he stares at the box and I explain patiently: “Your generosity is just too much, as you proved only now. So, I brought you a gift for your birthday, since you definitely deserve to receive some kindness back. Open it! I hope you’ll like it!”

He looks touched. Wordlessly he swallows and unwarps the paper. Finally, he takes out the book, the tarot card and the neckless, I had picked out for him.

Confused, but not unhappy, he looks at the three items. Slowly he reads the title: “The unstoppable Chariot – How positive Energy can change Lives.”

I see the question marks in his eyes and explain: “I’ve got you the tarot card ‘The Chariot’ and a neckless with your sun sign ‘Taurus’. The book is an esoteric novel of a woman with just that combination as well, and I thought it to be a good gift for you.

I know that the esoteric stuff isn’t for everybody, but you seemed interested and I think you could really enjoy the story.”

A bright smile appears on Jay’s mouth as he looks up to me. Moved he threw himself around my neck and hugged me with all his might.  
Soon he let go of me and asks joyful, if I want to help him on the field. Excited I join him and stat watering the daffodils.

As we finish he asks me to join him for dinner and tells me that he still has some bread, butter and strawberry jam in store. I accept and follow Jay inside.

“So, what’s happening in town lately? I haven’t been around the last few days and I’d like to be up to date, when I visit tomorrow”, Jay asks casually, as he hands me the strawberry jam.

“Not too much actually. Sam, Sebby and Abby are as close as always, Penny’s as closed off as she was last week. Well, nothing changed really.”

I see Jay nod absentmindedly. He stares lost at the wall beside us and I get curious what is behind this apparently innocent question.

“Jay?”

“Huh? Yes? Did you say something?”

I observe him closely. There is definitely more to this than he wants to show.

“I didn’t. But would you want me to tell you some more about something? Or someone?”

And there is the reaction I waited for. Shock, embarrassment and helplessness.

Kindly, I smile and calm him: “Don’t worry, I’m not going to judge or tell anybody anything. I’ll listen to anybody’s sorrow and will keep them for myself as long as I live. It’s a promise I gave myself when I started working in the saloon.

So, wanna tell me more about it?”

Warily he looks at me. He does not seem to be ready to trust me yet. I understand him. The town is small, and we are on the country side. Everything that is not the norm, will be looked at funny, maybe even judged. Rather be save than sorry, he must be thinking.

I stay silent and start eating again. I do not want to pressure him into this.

Suddenly he opens his mouth and says without looking in my eyes: “Shane has been different lately, hasn’t he?”

For a second, I do not understand what he just asked me. Then I realize what is going on and throw him a concerned look. So, he was the one?

I sigh and answer: “Not too much, I think. Even though… Somehow, he seemed to be more lost than usual.

I almost fear the answer, but did something happen between you two?”

Silently he looks at me. I cannot read his expression and cannot guess his thoughts. And I will not get an answer out of him, even if I was the most persistent woman in town or even the world.

The topic drops after that and we continue eating. The atmosphere becomes cosier again, but I do not forget the worried look on Jay’s face as I walk back home.


	8. Chapter 8 - Shane

## Shane – Saturday, 30th May 2015

## 

Life has never been kind to me. To its defence, I would not be kind to myself either.

I am not nice to myself. I do not want that kindness. There are other people out there, who deserve it more than I do.

Still, sometimes there are some inane fools, who treat me like a respectable adult. One of these fools is Emily.  
I have known her for many years now and she has always found some kind words to say to me. Every night I am in the saloon she smiles at me and says something nice. I am unsure why. I never gave her a reason to like me. Maybe it was just enough for her that I also never gave her a reason to hate me. She might be that type of person.

There is also Marnie, who always looks out for me. She… is a gift form heaven for me and Jas. We would have no place to go to if it was not for her.

Maybe I remind her too much of my mother. Maybe she feels the need to care me, after everything she tried to do with mother had failed. Maybe she just does not want to fail again. Maybe she thinks she owes my mother that much.

She does not.

 

And then there is Jas… She loves me. She adores me. Because I am the only thing that is left form her blood family. Because she just wants someone to hold her like her dad did.  
Because she is still a child and cannot see how rotten I truly am. I hope so badly that she will not turn out like I and my mother did. I hope that she will find the things that will keep her spirits up and friends that can support her.

 

…  
Yes, and there is someone else, who is kind to me.

I was suspicious when I heard somebody talking about a new farmer in town. I had paid it no mind, until they had actually shown up in the saloon.

I did not talk to them, nor did I try to remember their name. But they did not give up. They paid me a beer, they sometimes asked me a question. They were never too pushy, but I saw their determination to get through to me.

In a way, it impressed me. And as I saw them tumble, I acted. For the first time in over a year I initiated a conversation with somebody, even though I was pretty drunk.

From then on, I called them by their name. I tried to no longer be so hostile. Even though I do not feel good. Not at all. But for that one I will at least try to be less of an ass than I usually am.

 

…  
A weak ago, at the Flower Dance, they came over to me. After talking with everyone they had turned to me and asked shyly: “Would you – would you dance with me? I know, it’s a bit weird but – but I’m sure that it can be fun… s-so, yeah.”

I looked at them. And I looked longer. And longer.

That one had guts. Asking a guy to dance with them in a tiny, conservative town in a godforsaken valley, where anybody knew anybody.

In a way I wanted to tell them no. It would be easier for them. The villagers would not stare, would not judge. Not that I would mind myself. The people already judge me, they shall think what they want about me.

But I did not want that for them. They only meant well, and I was sure that they had been judged harshly before, even if they had lived in the city. Homophobes are everywhere.  
But I did not tell them no. I agreed to dance with them. They beamed brightly as I said yes and did not stop until after the dance had ended.  
It was nice seeing them smile like that.

After everything they came to me again. They thanked me for the dancing and were about to turn around and go, as they stopped themselves again

Quietly they raised their voice and said: “I hope I didn’t cause any problems for you by doing this. I know it’s probably pretty unconventional in this town for two men to dance together. But I…”

“It’s fine, Jay”, I said and shrugged. “I don’t give a fuck about the other people. And it was fun. It’s been a while since this festival has been that good, you know?

So, don’t worry.”

I waved and left.

So, he was a guy, huh? Time for me to use he/him pronouns for Jay Singer, now that I knew that he did not only look like a guy but also identified as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I hope you had fun so far! I'm not sure how well I'm doing with this fic but I'll try to continue this story as good as I can.  
> I'd always be happy about comments of any sorts and hope to see you again in the next chapter.
> 
> Anyway, stay save and have a peaceful weekend <3


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